Just overall thankful

Dear Idaho,

He's good to me. Even when I'm snapping at him and moving at a different pace, he's still good to me. I get frustrated because everything has to be done Right. Now. and I have some genetic inability to relax and he needs some time to rest and even with me ready to claw my own eyes out snapping about finishing things, he's still good to me.

I love him.

-S

Shots and gifts

Dear Idaho,

J was so sweet today. He took me to the hospital and took me home and put me to bed and all that was lovely and so appreciated but even better, he held my hand and made me feel better about the shots I was so scared of. They still hurt like motherfuckers but he was nice to me before and after and I love him so much for that.

And yay! my dad figured out why his order wasn't going through on the gourmet chef website! And now he can enjoy his Christmas present! I'm SO relieved and happy.

-S

Compliments

Dear Idaho,

He called me "lovely" last night. I like that.

-S

Forgiveness, Understanding, and Love

Dear Idaho,

I can't tell you how blessed I feel right this very minute. J surprises me over and over and over again. My let my faith in him get shaken very badly, probably because of bad experiences in the past. Not only did he forgive me for flying off the handle, he made sure we understood each other before he let the subject go. I love him, and I love that I can feel secure in his love.

I realized over again last week that J isn't the only one that loves me. Someone else surprised me, too, and I want to register my gratefulness without letting on that I know. Not yet.

Thanks,
S

Jeans and J

Dear Idaho,

I'm so happy to have clothes that fit. It's a relief. I'm such a drama queen, but it really does feel good to have clothes that fit. And were free! Free is good.

I'm also relieved to have figured out how to pay off my credit card and meet all my financial goals for the year by next December. That's a weight off my mind; I was getting really stressed.

And I'm happy to have a boyfriend who gives me space when he thinks I need it, even though all I wanted was his company. He tried to make me feel better and I love him for that.

-S

Two Good Surprises

Dear Idaho,

He brought me a vanilla shake from McDonalds! Oooh, he knows the way to my heart.

But what really made my night was this: At 4:53, I woke up and didn't see him next to me. I'd forgotten that he came home last night (and brought me a shake!) and I was so scared that something had happened to him. I got up to call him but he woke up and I was so relieved to see him there. That was my second good surprise.

-S

Housewife-ing Happiness

Dear Idaho,

It might sound stupid, but last night was really great. I cleaned. And I liked it. I cleaned the bathroom, reorganized the cleansers and put away towels. I emptied the dishwasher, cleaned the garbage disposal, washed the dishes and wiped down the countertops and stove. I emptied a couple trash cans, spread carpet powder and vacuumed. I cleaned the coffee table and put away odds and ends. I got ready to do laundry tomorrow and made a mental list of things to do to get ready for Saturday's dinner party.

I cooked. Jalapeno poppers! Yum. And I tried to find matching silverware to go with J's beautiful china for the dinner party. I can't wait!

I took a long hot shower, dried my hair, and climbed into bed with a couple Newsweeks and Law and Order, and a couple minutes later, J got home. Even after all these months (almost a year!) I still smile when ever he walks through the door. I don't think I'll ever get tired of him. He ate, showered, then crawled into bed next to me - and that's always my favorite part of the day. Laying in bed, talking with him. He makes me so happy and I'm so lucky to be with him. I never want to take him for granted, never want to take his efforts to please me for granted. I love him so much.

-S

He takes such good care of me

Dear Idaho,

Friday night, I was pooped. I had a sinus headache and a little bit of a cold and I was just exhausted. I meant to just sleep on the train and when I got home, I meant to just take a quick nap, but I couldn't get up. J was so sweet and understanding. We didn't go to the movies and he put me to bed early. The next morning, he returned the videos, picked up my birth control prescription, and waited in line (twice!) at the post office for me. While I ate ice cream, watched tv and slept. He's the best.

My mom's doing better, too. I had a nightmare that she called me crying so I guess I'm still worried about her, though. I'm sure she'll be ok, though. I just hate seeing her so vulnerable. When I called her on Saturday, J wanted to talk to her and that meant the world to me. I don't know how I got so lucky....

I lost weight again this week. Only 1.5 pounds to go till I reach my goal - yay!

And volleyball starts next week. All good things...

- S

Nyquil

Dear Idaho,

I'm enjoying the peacefulness of this Nyquil induced haze, but I think my co-workers would rather I got my ass in gear.

I got to talk to my mom today and she sounds great. Thank God!

Last night, I gave J some news that I think freaked both of us out a little. I'm really grateful that he was sweet and supportive, despite being freaked out.

And I'm really, really happy it's Friday.

- S

Miners and Mothers and Boyfriends, oh my!

Dear Idaho,

On a day when I've got so much to be grateful for, it seems odd that I can't get the lone miner out of my head. The news reported that "only one miner was found alive" and I thought that was strange. The miners were trapped for so long and the air quality was so poor and the people had so little hope. No one responded when they tapped on the pipes. The camera didn't show any signs of life. And yet they found a miner alive! I think that's fantastic! Yes, terrible for the miners that died, but how amazing and wonderful that one of them lived! So I'm grateful for that, and I won't even call it a small miracle.

Of much greater importance to me personally, I'm grateful that my mom's ok. It scares the hell out of me that she had a heart attack. It makes her that much more fragile. I had a hard time coping with her arthroscopic knee surgery; a heart attack is a whole nother thing entirely. I hate the idea of her laying helpless in a hospital, tubes and wires stuck to her arms. Her skin is so thin - won't it tear? Will she bruise? Can she sleep? Is my dad with her? Is she scared? Is he? I wish I were there, but the closer proximity won't make me any more powerful to help. The doctors say she'll be fine. I should relax.

She was admitted to the hospital for stomach pain and was diagnosed with gall stones. She'll have her gall bladder removed in a couple months. More surgery!

I'm grateful for Hoag Hospital. It's a wonderful facility with a beautiful view of the ocean. I don't think they have a bustling trauma center. The atmosphere is nothing like County USC. I know she's in good hands. I thank God she's ok. Last night I prayed in gratitude that she's ok, and I asked that God watch over her, and I thanked Him for sending me J.

Which brings me to the Boyfriend part of the title of this post. I would've been a mess of tears and snot last night had he not been there. I can't begin to describe how much he comforts me, just holding me, kissing my forehead, telling me she'll be alright. I am so lucky to be with him. I thank God for him everyday.

-S

Best Friends and Boyfriends and Soft Little Kittens

Dear Idaho,

I love it when J holds my hand while we sleep. Even in the middle of the night, he wraps his fingers around mine and I feel safe and loved and warm and content, and really I think I could live very happily with nothing more than his hand holding mine.

I'm also so grateful that I get to work everyday with some of my very best friends. Work would be unbearable without them and I can't imagine a life where I don't get to see three of my nearest and dearest for eight continuous hours several days a week.

And! I'm so happy that Sears isn't charging me to return the wrong merchandise and the right product is actually cheaper! And I sold my CD collection - woohoo!

I'm a happy girl.

-S

New Years Weekend

Dear Idaho,

You wouldn't believe how blessed I was this weekend. J moved in. Yay! I'm so happy to have him there. And so incredibly happy that he wanted to move in with me! It's so nice having him around. I love being with him and living with him gives me such a sense of security in our relationship. Not that that sense of security was missing before, but it's that much more concrete now.

I got to kiss J at midnight on New Years - can't imagine a better way to ring in the New Year. We spent the evening at his best friend's house and I'd really been anxious about the party. I didn't think I'd know anyone and everyone would be drinking and it would be loud and dark and I'd get lost and be alone. But it was fantastic! I didn't really drink and I had an amazing time. The party wasn't that crowded or that loud and I got to talk to all kinds of great people. I didn't feel alone when J and I were apart and I didn't feel weird being sober. I really had fun.

I am so grateful that I was able to relax and enjoy some down time on Sunday instead of being uptight about sleeping virtually all day. And I'm so happy that we were super productive on Monday! I love having days off, and I love making the most of them. We got so much done. J got a new battery for the Land Rover and I got licorice at Costco. I cooked twice this weekend and one of the recipes turned out really well!

I'm so grateful for all these things.

-S